


Pretend

by infectedmetaphysic



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Blood, CLAMP, Dialogue Light, Hurt/Comfort, KuroFai, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, PTSD flashbacks, Scars, Tsubasa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infectedmetaphysic/pseuds/infectedmetaphysic
Summary: KuroFai drabble/Yama fic. Fai ends up in an ambush, separated from Kurogane. Once the fight is over, Kurogane comforts him back at camp.





	Pretend

After four and a half months with the Yama clan, all of it had become routine. The training, the fighting; it was the same day after day. For every moment of it, Kurogane was by his side. They were inseparable both on and off the battlefield. The two of them could move and fight as one without a word of communication. Not that it could have been any different. Communication simply wasn’t an option.

It was something that, at first, Fai had thought would make it easier. He didn’t have to lie if no one could understand what he was saying. He still faked his smiles and teased Kurogane at every opportunity, but Kurogane could only understand the tone of voice. However, eventually it began to wear on him. Trying to point and mime when he needed something or trying to ask when something was wrong became very exhausting very quickly. After a time, his smiles began to fall away, the façade he’d built up began to crack. Kurogane noticed, undoubtedly, but he couldn’t do much about it.

Still, in some ways it was like a vacation from his usual life. He was able to let his guard down because no one could understand even if he did spill every secret he held. He could pretend that whatever this was that had developed between he and Kurogane was more than just a temporary relief of tensions. Even though he knew it would end if – no, _when_ the kids found them. Things would go back to how they were before and he would pretend the nights they had together had never happened.

When it had first happened, it wasn’t too much of a surprise. They hadn’t spent a moment apart since arriving. Eating together, bathing together, sleeping in the same tent. The tension had been too much with not being able to speak to each other and the looming threat of death in every battle. Kurogane had snapped first, kissing Fai, and it had gone from there.

Out on the battlefield, the sting of Kurogane’s marks on his neck kept a smile on his face. Though too, perhaps, it was a distraction.

In the heat of the fight, he’d been knocked from the back of his mount, the strange creatures that passed for horses in this world. Kurogane was nowhere to be seen, the first time he’d been out of his sight in months. Fear struck Fai’s heart at being separated and he nearly missed the man who swung a sword at his neck.

Fai ducked down at the last moment, feeling the steel of the blade brush against his hair. Fai pushed his attacker back and leapt away. He sent an arrow into the man’s leg, taking him down without killing him. Quickly, Fai realized he’d walked straight into an ambush. Enemy soldiers appeared on every ledge around him, and his allies were nowhere to be seen. The mage scowled, readying his bow with three arrows.

The attackers all sprung forward at once, and Fai released the shot. Taking down three in the leg at once, he knocked aside enemy arrows in the same movement. He was light and effortless on his feet, using parries and non-fatal blows with every attempt against him. He was a whirling dervish against a hurricane of attacks, but more kept coming.

He put it together in his head even as he defended himself. It must be a plan by the enemies to take he and Kurogane down. The two of them had become the strongest generals in Yasha’s army, therefore they were obvious targets. Kurogane was probably facing his own ambush even more effortlessly, Fai imagined. Together they were near impossible to take down, but separated they may be easier to defeat.

Blade after blade was knocked aside. Swords and spears thrust at him, becoming less enemy soldiers and more mere flashes of steel and blood. The temptation to use his magic and make this easier rose with every wave of attackers. There was only so much he could do without killing, especially with just a bow and arrows available to him.

The first contact of blade to his flesh made him gasp. The splash of his blood seemed to set something off in the crowd of enemies before him, reinvigorating them for the fight. It had merely glanced his arm but it was enough to knock him off his game.

A cut there, an arrow here, Fai began to take down enemies with headbutts and kicks. He didn’t want to hurt these people and he certainly didn’t want to kill them, especially with how little he knew about the war he was fighting. Kurogane, he knew, was being similarly careful. He couldn’t afford to lose his strength over random soldiers in a faraway land.

Fai was getting desperate. One arrow remained in his quiver. The crowd was backing him against the wall of a cliff. Like a cornered animal, he snapped, grabbing up one of the swords a fallen enemy had dropped and slashing it across the chest of another in a single flowing movement. He cut through the crowd, frantic, desperate, until each and every one of them lay bleeding on the ground.

Eyes wide, terrified, he snapped back to the world and looked at the chaos he’d caused. All of them were moving, groaning in pain. He’d kept from killing a single man and yet…

All he saw were men and women in thick winter cloaks, gutted like fish, dead eyes staring up at him.

_Your fault._

Fai’s pupils were tiny pinpricks in seas of blue. The sword dropped at his side and then—

A voice shouted behind him. In a flash of movement, Fai had nocked his final arrow and sent it flying towards the source of the voice. It struck flesh with a spray of blood.

Then Fai recognized the colours the man wore. His heart dropped into his stomach as he realized his victim was an ally and the arrow had struck his chest, close to his heart.

“No!” Fai screamed, rushing forward. He knelt at the man’s side, eyes flickering over the wound in a panic. Even if he could use his magic, he didn’t know a thing about healing spells.

Soon more footsteps approached – more allies, he was relieved to see – and the injured man was carried off. A large hand on his shoulder made Fai jump but he relaxed to see Kurogane, sweaty and dirty but not a single sign of damage on him.

The ninja helped Fai to his feet and within a few moments the battlefield vanished. Another fight over, though Fai’s heart was heavy in his chest.

In the infirmary tent, Kurogane stayed near him while Fai’s wounds were tended to. They were minor in nature, the worst being a gash on his arm. It only took three stitches to close it and Fai barely felt the pain. Further away he could see the man he’d nearly killed. The arrow had been removed and he was being treated. It looked like he would survive, but he’d be unlikely to fight for some time.

Kurogane was grumbling something to him, but Fai didn’t understand a thing, as always.

After his wounds were dealt with, Kurogane accompanied him out of the medical tent and back to their own shared tent. Fai stared at the ground the whole time, images of blood and death whirling in his mind. His companion was staring him down, evaluating him; Fai could tell without even looking. He wished those eyes weren’t so perceptive. It made a lot of things a whole lot more difficult.

Back in their tent, Kurogane sat Fai down on the tiny cot he’d been sleeping on since they got there. He disappeared for a few moments before coming back with a washbasin and cloth. As Kurogane had been expecting, Fai hadn’t moved a muscle.

The ninja knelt in front of Fai, muttering away to the mage in a language he knew he couldn’t understand. Fai could tell by the tone he was being scolded, probably for getting separated in the fight, though it was a gentle scolding. Kurogane soaked the cloth in the basin before bring it up to Fai’s hands.

He gently took one, wiping the cloth over it. Fai just then noticed the drying blood caked on them. He gasped, pulling away. Was that his own? No, more likely it was from the men he’d fought in battle. _Had_ they all survived? He would probably never know. Fai had tried so hard to keep his blows non-fatal but he’d lost track of his actions in his panicked state. How many had he taken down? He’d lost track in the waves of attackers and with all his felled enemies piled up…

Panic welled up in him and his eyes pricked with tears. _You bring misfortune. It’s all your fault._

Kurogane’s voice broke through his thoughts, steady and even. His eyes were locked on Fai’s and he reached for a hand again. Fai curled his fingers away and held his hand to his chest.

“Please don’t touch me with such kindness,” Fai all but whispered, voice cracking with emotion. He didn’t deserve kindness. Not from this man, who he was supposed to kill. Not from anyone. So much blood and death, all lying at his feet.

Kurogane, of course, had no idea what he said. Instead he insisted, pulling Fai’s hand away from his chest and cleaning it. Once all the rusted red was gone from the skin and from under his nails, the ninja moved on to the other hand. Fai was shocked all over again that a man who had seemed so senselessly violent when they’d first met could be so incredibly gentle.

The water in the washbasin was stained an ugly red-brown once Kurogane was satisfied with cleaning Fai’s hands. He let the cloth drop into it and sink to the bottom. Fai was expecting to be let go after that, for Kurogane to turn away and go to sleep in his own cot. He was surprised yet again.

Kurogane brought Fai’s hands up to his lips, kissing the mage’s scarred fingertips one by one. Kurogane had never asked where all those scars came from, damaged to a point that some of his fingerprints were forever ruined. Fai was thankful at least for that small mercy. It all seemed horribly intimate and Fai felt his face heat up, but he didn’t pull away. His hands seemed so small in comparison to Kurogane’s, so easily encompassed in their entirety.

Eventually Fai gave in, pushing his fingers into Kurogane’s hair and yanking him into a desperate kiss. The larger man didn’t protest in the slightest, wrapping strong arms around Fai’s waist. The mage felt so small in the other’s arms, both fragile and incredibly safe.

It wasn’t the first time they’d had sex, and some small part of him hoped it wouldn’t be the last before Syaoran and the others caught up to them. He knew it couldn’t last, knew he didn’t deserve any of it, but he’d let himself have it while he still could.

Kurogane seemed to fit so perfectly inside him, stretching him just right. The oil they used as lubricant had a strange, sweet smell to it that left him pleasantly light-headed. The ninja was more gentle than he’d been other times, not leaving the usual rough bitemarks all over Fai’s skin. Instead he kissed each wound and scar he found, muttering quiet words that Fai ached to understand.

Fai tried his best to keep quiet; he didn’t want to wake others around them. Despite his best efforts, Kurogane seemed to have learned the perfect ways to completely take the mage apart. Soon the only thing keeping him from waking the whole camp was Kurogane’s mouth over his, swallowing every moan and cry with his kiss.

Fai finished first, Kurogane stroking him to completion between them. Despite Fai wanting him inside, Kurogane pulled out before he came. He finished on Fai’s stomach, their seed mixing on his pale abdomen. Fai lay there breathless for a while, feeling boneless and exhausted but so satisfied. His mind had been pulled away from dark memories, too tired to worry about anything.

Kurogane rested only a moment overtop of Fai before getting up off the cot and grabbing a clean cloth to help Fai clean up with. Fai was glad he didn’t use the same washbasin from before.

Every other time they’d done this, they’d returned to their own cots and slept. This time, however, Kurogane scooped Fai up off his own now damp cot. It was cramped, but he lay him down on the other, dry cot and climbed in beside him.

Fai stared, surprised, at Kurogane. The man had pulled Fai close and already closed his eyes. Fai almost laughed at the situation, never having expected the gruff man to be a cuddler.

In the soft light, the mage looked over Kurogane’s skin, fingers ghosting feather-light over a menagerie of scars. Fai wondered where each came from, what kind of battle he’d endured to earn it. He wondered if he ever bragged about them to fellow warriors, weaving extraordinary tales to entertain and impress. Fai laughed softly at himself, knowing Kurogane wasn’t the type. He almost wished he could ask what they’d come from; it wouldn’t be fair, however. He couldn’t reciprocate without lying through his teeth.

Eventually he settled against the larger man’s chest and let his eyes fall shut. Another way he was playing pretend while he still could. He hoped he’d dream of a better life, where this wouldn’t have to end the moment the kids found them. A life where ghosts didn’t haunt his mind, where he could admit the way his heart swelled whenever Kurogane so much as looked his way.

It was a fantasy and he knew it. Something that could never come to pass. For the time being, however, at least he could pretend.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written non-RP related fic in so long, wow. 
> 
> Anyway, I was playing around with this in my head so I decided to write it out. Hope you enjoyed~
> 
> Dedicated to my Kurogane.


End file.
